What happens when you’re meant to be getting married 16th March on that fateful, unforgettable year 2020? Well if you’re as in love, decisive and bad ass as these two, you don’t crumble, you don’t falter, you don’t procrastinate (ALL things I would have done!) you message your photographer AJ Tamari at 11pm to see if she can switch dates to… the morning.. hold on to your hats and go for it.

This is Andrew and Kineta married on 12th March with a BHLDN dress and a bouquets of flowers from the street vendor outside City Hall - one of AJ Tamari’s real weddings we wanted to show you as part of our spotlight on her.

Well.. this became more than that. This is a wedding and love story for the ages and AJ’s images capture the spontaneity, the slightly bewildered but giddy day, staring the down the barrel of the unchartered territory of a worldwide pandemic but feeling the upmost certainty of each other. And written like the perfect script by these two performer babes. Thanks to all involved, just wonderful for start to finish, real and true, we’re so glad you went for it and hope you get to have some of the things you missed further down the line if that still feels right.

Who are you both and what you do?

Kineta Kunutu-Rovner - Stage, Screen and Voice Actor, Yoga Instructor

Andrew Rovner - Freelance Sound Designer and Audio Engineer

How did you meet?

Andrew says: We met in grad school. On the first day we were doing intros in a room of maybe 200 or so people. It was really tedious with some many people but when Kineta stood up and introduced herself I immediately started paying attention because she just had the nicest smile and the most earnest energy and a great voice. I knew right then and there that she was special.

Kineta: We were in the same reading group for a mandatory theater history class—the only class we were both required to take as part of our studies. I thought that Andrew always had good insights during class discussion and was instantly attracted to his smarts. It helped that he was cute in a brooding “I have an awesome beard” kind of way. I, however, did not pay enough attention and would often ask him to re-explain things to me (or maybe I just wanted an excuse to talk to him...who knows?). The midterm exam was my moment. I thought, “it’s now or never, we won’t be in the same group next term so go for it!” I asked him to help me study. He was a great teacher, I passed with flying colors!

Andrew: After the exam, Kineta texted me asking “would you like to get a casual drink.”

Kineta: Now, where I come from that’s somewhat neutral..ish. Like “casual” as in just a chill hang out. Whatever. No biggie. Well, he didn’t reply.

Andrew: I totally thought she was asking me out. I was ending a long-distance relationship at the time and just sort of panicked and ignored the message.

Kineta: Yeah Yeah Yeah. Well months later a mutual friend had a party and Andrew started texting me about it and we finally got together!

What’s your fave thing about each other?

Andrew on Kineta: I love that Kineta inspires me to practice gratitude both by literally suggesting that I do so and also by giving me something in my life to be so unbelievably grateful for. She keeps me grounded. Kineta has the most beautiful smile i’ve ever seen.I love her voice.

Kineta’s kindness and support make me feel the most at home I’ve ever felt. She is patient and warm. She is driven and passionate and talented.

She has very soft skin. She seeks joy.

Kineta on Andrew:

I love the way Andrew looks at me. I love how patient he is with me even when I give him no reason to be. I love how many times in a day Andrew makes me smile

I’m inspired by how selfless he is and how he always seeks to give other people 100 percent of himself and how he does this even when he’s exhausted or sick or both

He’s an incredible listener. He doesn’t forget anything. And he forgives me every time I do. Everything is just better when he holds me.

He’s so freaking smart. He’s funny.

So what was the original plan and how did it unfold?

On the 12th, the show I was working on suspended rehearsals and performances. It was clear that the pandemic was going to start impacting New York. When I got home, we discussed whether or not we should adjust our plans. We texted AJ at 11 o’clock at night, asking if she was available for the next day. Remarkably, she was, so we decided to get married the next morning. If it wasn’t for her encouragement and flexibility, I honestly don’t know if we would be married today!

My parents and best friend flew in (from Florida and Chicago, respectively) very early that next morning. My folks picked up Kineta’s dress (which was still being hemmed) and dropped it off at our apartment. We hopped in a car and got married a few days early!

Our rings—which we made ourselves in a workshop with Sam Abbay at www.newyorkweddingring.com—are engraved with our originally planned date, the 16th. It’s a fun story, but also a good reminder to stay flexible when things don’t go according to plan (in marriage, in life, etc.)

What did you find particularly hard emotionally in the both the planning and anything else on the day because of the big change of plan?

Kineta: Andrew had been coordinating with my parents to see if they could fly in from Johannesburg, South Africa to surprise me on the day of the wedding. As the global situation got more and more grim due to the pandemic, it became clear that international travel was not the wisest. When Andrew finally confessed what he had been planning, I was so disappointed to hear that they had to cancel their trip but it really warmed my heart that they were planning this big surprise and I had absolutely no idea (usually I have an idea that something is coming. This time Andrew really played it super cool!)

Andrew: We both come from pretty rich traditions—I am Jewish and Kineta is South African—so I was very worried that the day might feel too generic since it was so simple. We had initially planned on celebrating our first anniversary by belatedly fulfilling some of those traditions, but we obviously never imagined we should still be living in the shadow of the pandemic at this point. I don’t regret that we didn’t have a “traditional” wedding because I know we’ll still find a way to honor the traditions at some point, but it was initially hard to come to terms with for me.

Andrew: We were fortunate that AJ had seen her share of City Hall weddings so was able to help us understand what to expect. You get a number and wait in line until they call you into the chapel and after that it happens very quickly. It’s a very minimalist wedding in terms of the running order, no big speeches in the chapel or anything like that. Above all else we just wanted a day that was simple and unfussy but still quite special. Our marriage is obviously a huge milestone in our relationship—a singularly joyous and monumental day—but it’s also a day that commemoratesmour ongoing love and commitment and so we wanted it to feel somehow timeless and familiar too. As if it could be any day—or rather that any day could be our wedding day—because the joy and wonder of that moment are enduring and woven into all the days we spent together before and all the days we’ve spent together since.

I don’t know if that’s making any sense. I just really appreciate that our wedding wasn’t some carefully-planned fantasy day. It was very real and humble and didn’t need any window dressings or anything like that. Not that there’s anything inherently wrong with a themed wedding or a big production of a wedding. It’s just not who we are. Oh! I almost forgot: My mom brought up her pearls for Kineta to wear, that was pretty special.

And all the main/lovely details about the day! Any meanings or stories behind the things you chose? Was there a theme/vibe/feeling/aesthetic you were going for?

Kineta: There are so many small moment we wish we could instantly download for you all like, seeing Andrew’s parent’s walk into our messy apartment that morning while Andrew was trying to shave his head while I started undoing my hair twists, the four of us squeezing into a taxi to get to city hall, coordinating my family onto a zoom call just in time for our ticket number to get called up...

Andrew: We didn’t really have a theme. It was a wedding-themed wedding! Getting married at City Hall alleviated the need to have a theme since it’s not like we could bring in any decorations or anything like that. Even though it might seem impersonal or sort of like you’re in a “marriage factory,” it’s actually nice to think of how many other couples have been married there and how we’re part of the fabric of the city in some way. We took the subway to brunch afterwards. The city was definitely the backdrop for the whole day, but it wasn’t meant to be a “New York” themed wedding or anything like that.

KIneta: Yeah so we woke up super early after having decided at midnight the night before that we were going to get married to get ahead of the pandemic. Andrew’s parents got an early flight in from Florida. The four of us drove over in the taxi to City Hall where we met Andrew’s best friend Jake who also flew in early that morning. My Friend Arturo cycled in from Bushwick to make it at the last minute. We met up with AJ and the six of us proceeded into the building to get married. I think AJ captured our personalities and the vibe of the day really beautifully!

What was your favourite part of the day?

The whole day was so spontaneous!

Since we had decided to get married only a month earlier and had decided to change the date the night before, we really didn’t have a schedule of any sort.

Getting married at City Hall (note: in NYC, the marriage bureau is “city hall” for weddings so we’re using those terms sort of interchangeably even though it might not be technically correct… like I think City Hall is actually across the street or down the road from where we got married) is a bit like going to the deli or corner store: you get a number, wait your turn, and when it’s called you step into the chapel. We had no idea how long the whole thing would take (not very long, it turns out), then we sort of meandered over to brunch with our friends, stepping aside for a bit to take some photos. We must have not had much to eat at brunch, though, because after we said goodbye our friends we walked around the block to have dinner by ourselves, then went to get ice cream before heading home for the night.

It was so great to just go with the flow, not worry about a schedule, and enjoy the day.

What have you learnt about married life so far!

Kineta: Don’t take everything so personally.

It’s important for both partners to maintain the flexibility to continue growing together. It’s not like marriage is a destination you arrive at and then you’re locked in to being those people from that exact moment for the rest of your lives.

Also, chores don’t change!

Andrew: We had been cohabitating for a while before we got married, but I think there’s a big difference between living with someone and sharing a life with someone. Marriage is sort of a constant practice of empathy. It’s always stopping to think of someone else, and I think the more you work at that within the marriage the more it starts to become a reflex outside of the marriage as well. So even though you might be thinking of *your* spouse, it stops being a possessive or private thing and actually starts encouraging you to proceed through life with more compassion and consideration for people that might not be *yours* in that same way.

It’s also really important to still allow your partner to surprise you. If I thought I knew everything about Kineta life would be really dull; there’d be nowhere to go. But I’m still learning new things about her every day and that just gives me more to love about her!

And other advice for couples going through putting their wedding together right now?

Resist the all-too-appealing urge to obsess over the minutiae! Focus on how you want the day to feel for each other and not the checklist of things you think you ought to have at your wedding. We’re really grateful that our wedding felt like an elevated but natural extension of our lives instead of a disruption of or escape from them—we certainly celebrated what was a singularly joyous day with the reverence it deserved, and we’re glad we did so by being present with one another instead of being consumed by the extraneous stressors that seem to come with weddings.

Is there anything that has actually ended up being for the better out of the situ?

Kineta: Besides not being able to have my family there it was a really incredible day! Hearing our story it’s easy to think we were super stressed with everything going on, but it was actually so easy and simple. We had the small intimate wedding we always wanted.

Andrew: The pandemic has been a source of great suffering and loss for so many people, so I always feel a little weird talking about “silver linings.” That said, I’m grateful for the fact that we had no choice but to trust our gut, go with our first instinct, and really distill the process down to the absolute essential. Looking back, I don’t feel that we spent any energy on anything extraneous; we were just focused on getting married and celebrating our love in the simplest way possible, which I think really suited us well!

What drew you to AJ Tamari and also the film photography aspect?

Andrew: I think I found AJ’s website the night we decided to get married. Kineta was asleep and I was furious assembling a complete elopement/wedding lite plan to present for her approval so she didn’t have to worry about anything.

KIneta: When Andrew showed me AJ’s site the next day, after about a minute I said, “YEP! I want THIS!” and Andrew said,

“Good, I’ve already emailed her”

Andrew: It was important to us that our wedding felt timeless. We didn’t want it to be so tied to current trends or anything like that. AJ’s work is such an amazing blend of spontaneous candids which capture the joy of the moment and enduring wedding portraiture; as soon as I saw her online portfolio I instantly felt connected to her work. She doesn’t traffic in the sort of overly-posed, faux-fairytale style photos you see a lot of today. I know that if we had photos like that we might look back on them and not even recognize ourselves. But AJ’s work is so honest, it helps us remember the day just as it was instead of asking us to pretend it was anything else.

To that end, knowing that there are physical mementos from the day—the actual film—reminds us of how real it all is. It was important for us to commemorate the day in a physical medium so that the moment and the memories would endure in that way. So much of our lives and so many of our photos only exist in the digital realm these days (optimized for instagram, as it were); we knew we wanted wedding photos that existed in the real world just like our wedding did and just like our life together does every day since.

Also, we love the warmth and grain of analog photography.