It’s Not Just A Wedding and It’s Not Just The Wedding: Tayjal Mistry on the bigger picture of what Asian Brides are missing out on right now.
Over here at Most Curious, we wanted to delve a little deeper into the current challenges and missing pieces, left behind for couples, by the current restrictions on weddings. Love in a time of Corona, if you will. We were lucky enough to speak to Tayjal Mistry, who is the founder of Mani’s Creative, a wedding and event stationery brand, which in her own words, “specialises in multi-cultural and fusion stationery for the design led couple.” She has a broad collection of beautiful ranges, using her own skills in water colour painting, to more of a graphic-design photographic mixed media feel, with modern typography blended with traditional religious symbols and figures. We love it! We will show you more in an upcoming blog.
Tayjal has kindly highlighted some of the many issues faced by British Asian couples right now, in particular her own experience as a Hindu Bride, as well as offering some advice for Asian couples, while providing some pretty breath taking inspiration for gorgeous smaller scaled down weddings she has spotted recently. She used her own wonderful wedding, from 2014, as an example of the beautiful family ceremonies that lead up to the wedding which would likely be out of the question with the current restrictions. She also shows a recent intimate backyard Sikh wedding, which undeniably portrays you certainly do not have to scrimp on the beauty for what you lack in numbers! As well as a smaller Muslim Nikaah wedding ceremony that happened during lockdown, that was all kinds of lovely too. Thank you Tayjal, over to you!
Images of Tayjal’s wedding by Bhavna Barratt
Planning any Indian wedding can be both a joyful and stressful time, without the addition of trying to plan with coronavirus and ever-changing UK guidance. As the younger generation, we’re not only planning the main event itself, but also trying to understand the necessity, culture and tradition of Indian pre-wedding ceremonies and indeed the wedding itself as we go!
Images of Tayjal’s wedding by Bhavna Barratt
Many religions of Asian origin, include deeply meaningful and essential pre-wedding ceremonies. It would be difficult to name them all, but here is a few! The Kurmai, Chunni, Mendhi, Haldi ceremony, Santhak, Grah Santi, Ganesh Pooja, Tilak, Telwaan, Bhatwaan, Dholki, Mayon, Nikaah, Walima and Choora ! It is quite common to rely on our parents and older generations for guidance when it comes to planning this part of the proceedings, especially as in my experience we’re now seeing a lot more fusion; multi-cultural weddings taking place and couples are re-embracing these traditions and cultures.
Being able to experience these ceremonies, events and moments during the pre-wedding lead up is what makes it feel like a wedding. For me these were the days that made the wedding too. Living in a world which almost has come to a standstill during this pandemic, this time has made many appreciate the relationships we may have taken for granted. And as a first generation British Indian, it’s made me see how these interactions and milestones taken together, particularly in the absence of them, are part of our shared experience as a family.
But hopefully, the current situation has also encouraged us to hold on to those ceremonies and traditions, to see how important they are, not just for ourselves but our parents, who spend their whole lives waiting for that day, to see the happiness on their children’s faces.
A few words of advice, just generally on these pre ceremonies, one of the most integral and useful parts was speaking with our Brahmin (priest) who will be conducting the ceremonies for you and your family. Not only did they help to explain why we carry them out but also explained a lot to our family, which was invaluable. Getting the ceremonies right and understanding what is happening and why can be stressful for couples but it can also be stressful for the parents. They have experience of what to do but mainly from watching what has happened over the years and simply followed what has been done for generations, not because they know why, because back in the day if you questioned anything, it was not the done thing! So conflicting ideas can happen! Your Brahmin may also be able to advice you on how ceremonies could work at the moment.
I also recommend making sure you have a photographer to capture these pre-ceremonies as much as the wedding day as often it is only once they are happening that you feel how powerful they are, even in your own living room. And also make sure you have snacks!
As many people know Asian weddings tend to be on the larger scale, by limiting the number of guests you invite, it definitely could mean taking away the chance for the bride or groom to experience their own family traditions. Weddings are very much a family affair, from your mum’s brothers, your dad’s brothers to your own siblings and cousins, everyone must be there. So having a small wedding of 30 people may take away the importance of having all your family by your side, that feeling of completeness is part of it. For example, we call upon fore fathers and ancestors to bless the family and wedding to ward off any evil, male relatives from your paternal family along with your maternal family are usually the members who take part in these ceremonies. It could very much feel like people are missing from these moments as there is a certain order of who is expected to be there. Here are just a few of the other significant moments from my own wedding.
The Ganesh Pooja
All Hindu wedding ceremonies begin with the Ganesh Pooja or Ganapati Puja. Ganesh is the elephant god who brings prosperity, to ensure no evil eyes fall on the family or couple but is also known as the remover of obstacles. We do this Pooja (ceremony) to ensure all wedding festivities run smoothly and bring good fortunes, so this is of upmost importance.
Another important ritual that happened before the wedding is, before a bride leaves her maternal home, she must leave her foot prints and handprints, she is treated as a Goddess for this, as every girl is seen as the Goddess Laxmi when they are born. This symbolic act is a sign that she will always shower her home with love and prosperity.
The Haldi
This is the super fun one! It is a ritual holy bath also known as the Pithi ceremony. Turmeric (haldi) is known for its health benefits but also traditionally used as a topical beautification especially for Indian brides in creating that wedding ‘glow’! Tumeric, oil and water are applied to both the bride and groom by all the married woman in the family. The bride and groom apply Haldi on their unmarried siblings and friends for luck too. The more people, the more luck, the more love, the more prosperity!
The Vidai, Rukhsati or Doli
Aa with all weddings, the full gamut of emotions play a part - celebration, fun, and laughter but all family members must be there for the bitter sweet too. This part of the proceedings, is where tears of sadness flow, it is the moment where the bride leaves and bids farewell to her family. It can be very emotional and everyone must say goodbye. This would definitely be one of the main deal breakers for some families and couples. To not have everyone say a proper goodbye in that significant moment I would say will push many brides to feel that it’s going to worth waiting till next year.
This isn’t to say small intimate weddings cannot take place, as we’ve seen beautiful scaled back ceremonies taking place over the past couple of months. Have a look at these for inspiration!
Harneet & Sim’s Sikh Wedding in Bride’s Backyard in Surrey, British Columbia, Canada.
Full amazing showcase of this stunner of a wedding will be shown by Festival Brides later this month.
With a few words from photography Amrit Photography
Hair & Makeup: Aquarius Art Instagram
Design & Decor: Finesse Decor
Floral Design: Da Fiori Floral Design
Canopy: Natural Oasis Events
Ribbons: Cfleursdesign
Attire: Vivah Collection
“Even though their big day was downgraded from a celebration with hundreds of their friends and family to a 34-person guest list, it was still absolutely breathtaking and the smaller ceremony ended up feeling even more personal and heartfelt. Harneet and Sim took health and safety precautions to minimize contact and prevent spread of the coronavirus, which of course meant they had to reimagine their wedding and guest experience.
While COVID-19 may cause the cancellation of your planned wedding ceremony, this doesn’t mean that you need to cancel your wedding entirely. Harneet and Sim’s intimate backyard Sikh wedding is proof that the ceremony is just as special and meaningful whether in front of 30 or 300. If you want to start the beautiful journey of married life now rather than waiting another year, you can have a simple wedding ceremony in the time frame that you wanted and enjoy a larger celebration at a later date. The party can wait, and it’ll be just as amazing when it finally comes around.”
Another beautiful small event for a Nikaah (Muslim religious wedding ceremony) with a romantic dinner party taken place in a stunning garden ceremony set in the heart of Cheshire, brought to life by Couture Events by Nadia creating a sofa seating area with cascading floral displays; filled with delicate sprigs of foliage and ruffled white blossoms. Again, just amazing that this is set up in the back yard!
Photography| @anisa__a
Weddings Cakes| @rooji_the_foodie
Marquee & Chairs| @Eclipsemarquees
Sofa lounge| @Alfresco.trends.events
Planning & Design| @Coutureeventsbynadia
However, Asian weddings are costly, and actually seeing these small intimate Asian weddings, its clear that small doesn’t mean any less planning goes into these events! Having been in touch with many of my own couples I’m working with and also new couples reaching out globally, the consensus feels like most who were planning to get married later in the year, have now also changed to 2021 in the hope that plans don’t continually change. And if events have to be split up over time, something now and something again later, many couples are just thinking, let’s wait. But that’s hard, waiting for these special, life affirming, milestone moments is so hard.
Please reach out, we are here to help how we can.
Love Tayjal x
We throw a spotlight on Tayjal’s beautiful work and new collection in Part 2 of this blog coming soon!