Enjoy Visibility: MC Coalition Member, Nic, on Authentic Representation, a Dedication to Aesthetics and Queer Joy with MC22 Runway Photos From September Pics

SPECIAL THANK YOU TO SEPTEMBER PICS FOR THESE INCREDIBLE SHOTS FROM THE SHOW - More on that below.

“Every time I do this it makes me think I’m on blind date,” says Nic, the final member of the Most Curious Coalition I have the opportunity to interview. “I’m Nic, I’m 40, from Nottingham, not natively, but been up here for 14 years—[it’s] very much home now. I identify as genderfluid or nonbinary—labels are floating around, but they’re personal. I’m married; I have a three year old son. My day job is a painter and decorator—occasional fabrication for events—building props for drag queens…the last one was a table with a fake bottom to pull up a baguette!”

This is fabulous news and I cannot wait to learn more, but first I quickly double-check their pronouns—they prefer to use they/them pronouns in print and when they are in “girl-mode” they/them are the only pronouns Nic is comfortable with. “I don’t identify as a woman—I sometimes dress in a way that appears that way, [but] I’m very much the same person; I don’t really change at all. The only thing that may change is my posture—I’m wearing different shoes!”

“I’m just Nic,” they reiterate and it’s both profoundly true and yet not quite enough to describe all that they are—those three letters don’t seem enough against such an impressive resume of identity, and yet Nic is their name and a name is a representation of an identity, just as much as pronouns or presentation. “With pronouns: for some people…being referred to by their pronouns is really important, whilst for me—because I’m 40 now and I’ve had so long being referred to one way—so long as people are making the effort to understand and if I’m being treated with respect and people are showing an interest in me I don’t necessary tend to notice so much. Intent means so much.”

On this we absolutely agree, though as we get to talking like old friends there’s not much we find we disagree on. We begin with pop culture and our shock at revisiting old favorites only to find that we were written as the joke. We’re both thinking of the same show: FRIENDS. “It’s a horrific way to talk about a human being—like [they are] a punchline.” Comedy is only beginning its reckoning with its penchant for punching-down with works like Hannah Gadsby’s “Nanette” leading the way, but scapegoatism isn’t just reserved for a laugh. “Gender non-conforming people are going to bear the brunt of this time,” Nic says. “In the 90’s and 2000’s it was the demonization of the working class,” he shares, citing the media’s portrayals of so-called CHAV culture here in the UK. “Then Brexit; now Trans people.”

Since our chat, horrible things have been happening to the trans- and gender non-conforming communities in the UK with a “total” ban on conversion “therapy”—that practice by which Queer people are therapized through various, often unsanctioned, means into reverting to an implied standard of heterosexuality—excluding non-binary and trans people from the ban. On April 10th a march to Parliament signaled the community’s distaste in the exclusion of any Queer person’s exclusion from the safety of a ban on conversion therapy. Please follow the link to find out more, sign the petition and to send a letter to your MP protesting the exclusion of trans and gender non-conforming people from the ban on conversion therapy. “I wonder if the people who were pushing back against increased representation are people who’ve never actually met people like me,” Nic ponders. “The worst is often assumed of people who are different; [there is] a long history of demonizing anyone who is different.”

Nic runs the Instagram account @EnjoyVisibility to push back against these ideas that those who are different are unlike anyone else. Like many others, the right outfit, or a perfectly set face of makeup lights Nic up inside and makes them feel in touch with who they are and what they’re passionate about: “When I’m choosing a feminine outfit I feel like an artist. I’ve been painting in black and white and now I finally get to wear color.” Nic is a person who prioritizes aesthetics, clean lines and richly saturated colors. “Love the classic looks like Dior.” They enjoy dressing in clothing that references their Malaysian and Chinese heritage through various means and mediums. “My Chinese zodiac is a rooster—it’s very me, I’m vain. I’m sure of some things and I’m not afraid of making space—what I call boxing out—I make my own space in the world. I have my own sense of right and wrong and I don’t like when people do things for dubious reasons.”

I’m quick to ask about the gorgeous green gown they wore to their fortieth birthday—it has sleeves that brush the ground, “—I think there’s strong Chinese influence in that—in the traditional buildings and the jade green sleeves. I want to mix my Asian heritage with some Western ideas—sleeves that are traditional, but a bit medieval with the Chinese neckline, but the Hollywood glam figure. I have a reputation for more formal-wear looks—that’s the part of me being channelled, the distillation of that—fitted ballgowns make me look invincible. When I wear it you can tell how happy I am and that for me was always a goal.” Though Nic wouldn’t like to wear a wedding dress to recommit themself to their wife, they have always been envious of girls choosing prom dresses. We bat around some ideas of what to do about these seminal experiences that members of the Queer community often misses out on—or else make inauthentic appearances at. “People often say I look quite elegant and quite classy, but I don’t try. This is authentic. I find that’s what makes me feel confident and like I’m owning it,” they share.

They’ve brushed up against misogyny as a result of their feminine presentation on the internet: Nic cannot believe that men. All that needs to be said, really. They’ve also found that shoes that extend past a certain size in the “women’s” department are geared towards costume, rather than fashion or purpose-built. “A lot of shoes are like stripper heels—an idea of what a woman would wear, rather than a realistic idea of what a person would actually utilize.” They won’t brush off these intrinsic issues lightly, but they do add up to a learning curve that Nic realizes they are entering a bit later in life as they find their style and voice all at once.

“I want to do more speaking, be more public and present—that really helps more people. That’s the next challenge—to help people feel more happy in themselves. You can be doing things you’ve never dreamed of doing—like I’ve got my own makeup table; I have my own wardrobe that my twenty-something person would have dreamed of,” they reflect on their own journey towards selfhood as they dream up a future where others find their way through the door of their own local Drag Club because of them. “This is what I really want this is what’s going to make me happy and this is okay even if people around me have to make adjustments and if they love me that’ll be okay. If I’m going to be the best dad it’s not going to be because I’m doubting myself, or feeling shame; no keeping secrets because it’s convenient for other people. It’s been a journey, but I’ve gained a lot of strength in being that person for other people.”

“At the end of the day you need to be the best version of yourself.”

Being part of the Most Curious Coalition was the first bit of formal consultancy Nic has participated in—“I have a seat at the table—it’s unusual, but very welcome,” they say of representing the gender non-conforming experience in discussing the 2022 Most Curious Wedding Fair. They loved their wedding to their wife and would happily have the day all over again, though they mention wanting to do their speech a bit earlier—a traditional Chinese wedding meal is eight courses long—but as we discuss all things wedding they bring up a very interesting point of view: that of the guest.

“A wedding should be a celebration of yourself and your life and your friends,” they begin, detailing how those getting married shouldn’t view their loved ones being authentic to themselves as a distraction, or treat them as an outsider to tradition and custom. “Don’t treat your guests as though they weren’t worthy of being able to be their whole self,” Nic cautions.

“A couple of close friends made a specific point of saying come as you wish to present on the day. I got changed and glammed up for the reception in the evening. The first time a lot of friends were able to meet both sides. Everyone was so supportive and that was like a benchmark for me. A significant life point for someone like me,” Nic shares, smiling gently at the memory. “They wanted me to be there as my true self, however that looked and that was also important for them for their wedding. Proper sort of chosen my friends well here!” We remark that we will that luck and love for all members of the Queer community.

They reside happily in what they refer to as: “A conventional marriage—I am Claire’s husband and Errol is my son. I imagined doing what my dad did with me for my kids—going to the museums, bike riding, building things…I never saw myself as a mother figure. It’s weird being a Queer person who wants a traditional family life. Seeing my child turn into this very silly, but very inquisitive little boy who’s obsessed with Lego at the moment. He’s a very happy little boy—I think it’s because he’s in such a loving environment.”

This positive representation of what it’s like to be raised by a Queer person is so joyful; together we discuss familiar book titles like The Prince and the Dressmaker by Jen Wang and Julián Is a Mermaid by Jessica Love, books Nic shares with their child that touch on various aspects of their identity as an individual and also the collective identity of the three of them as a family. “There are no rules—I am Queer—I can do what I want. There is no right or wrong way, it’s not about picking or choosing. All of these aspects are ‘what makes Nic.’” We share a dream that in the future the punches will be pulled where it pertains to the marginalized and that Nic’s family and those like it will flourish in a world full of narratives of authenticity and true, Queer joy.

The work of the Most Curious Coalition was visible through the powerful, representative and absolutely electric runway show at the A Most Curious Wedding Fair 2022 in The Truman Brewery. Illustrating our final #MCClassof22 profile today are the images from the runway show which portray the Most Curious vision for the future of the wedding world: creative, inclusive and celebratory! Thank you to September Pics who provided the photos.

And finally, having reached the end of this blog series, we have a word from Becky that I, Gabrielle, promise I did not write myself and then just sign her name to. Thank you, Becky for these kind words and thank you to everyone I profiled for their time and candor and to everyone I worked with at the show itself.

A quick note from Becky to say thank you to both the coalition and Gabrielle - who was a fantastic go between, between those worlds. Her blog series has been groundbreaking in the breadth and depth of what she has covered, as well as being pioneering and boundary smashing on a weekly basis! So many topics that need to be addressed, talked about it, listened to, celebrated and delved into, to push this industry to be a much more value based, inclusive, informed heart centred place, a place of human stories and love letters.. just causally tackled steadily and sure in every post!

In Gabrielle, we felt secure in the knowledge that we were leaving the blogs in safe hands, with someone who was an entire spaghetti junction - in the best possible way! - of many of the intersections we wanted to cover. And she guided and steered that process with sensitivity, knowledge and kindness very step of the way, while pushing us and the wedding world forward into 2022 week by week, sometimes twice a week for goodness sake!

So thank you Gabrielle. A beautiful writer and person. And see-er of people!

And thank you of course to our Coalition who have been so generous with their experiences, being themselves, being vunerable, being strong, being hilarious and always advocating hard for themselves and their communities while having a sense of humour, a sense of business-savvyness, a sense of our industry. Deeply knowing their people and keeping them at the fore, while also having a great time, thinking about representation while being creative, dynamic, stylish, innovative just as they do every single day - but in coalition and collaboration with us. We are honoured. And have learnt so so much. And we are grateful.

It’s been emotional. Still so much bigging up to do, respects and love to pay to so many, the process and the parts and little by little we will do so.

But today - it’s Gabrielle.

And Nic.

And all of the Mighty MC Coalition. We thank you!

HEAD CATWALK FASHION STYLIST

@LAHUNTERSTYLING

ASSISTED BY

@RIRIALICE and @MAKEUP.BY.MARIELOU

HAIR AND MAKE UP TEAM LED BY

@MELINDABRIDAL

HER HMUA TEAM

@BECCISBRUSHES

@SHARON.MAKEUP

@MAKEUPOLOGYBRIDES

@KATHERINETHOMAS_MUA

@YESBRIDES_WEDDINGHAIR_MARIANA

CATWALK PRODUCTION

@VZFKB (VICKY)

ASSISTED BY

@B4MB4MM (AMBER)

@GEMMA-CAROLINE

@MADDY__SKINNER

@MAISYBUDGEN

GREEN BACKGROUND SUPPLIER STAND

@FLUORESSE___

PINK GROUND SUPPLIER STAND

@PINKPALMSEVENTS

ORANGE/RED COUCH WITH ROSES SUPPLIER STAND

@BUD_FLORA