I HAVE A LOVE AND IT NEVER FADES: Words of wisdom from planner and founder of Queer Weddings UK, Lexie Lenoir, as she celebrates her engagement with this glorious shoot by Luisa Starling
So, the words, “we are honoured to share” get bandied around quite a lot nowadays but Most Curious really is beyond privileged to be sharing this fantastic blog post today, written by Lexie Lenoir Founder of planning company Queer Weddings UK, which brings/plans/coordinates beautiful, contemporary wedding days for modern LGBTQ+ folx to represent them and their personality. She also got engaged just before Corona hit, to her beaut Aisha and is also chief wedding coordinator at the Landmark hotel. After chatting on the phone we quickly realised the advice and empathy, wisdom and levels of knowledge Lexie could share was…. layered! SO props to her for managing to put it into this one amazing piece. We are also stopped in our tracks by this wonderful recent engagement shoot by their wedding photographer -to-be Luisa Starling, gorgeous, gorgeous, gorgeous, and feel so lucky to show it off along side this piece. The strength and power of their love and the joy and home it brings to both of them is shining off the screen! Read on for Lexie’s invaluable, solid advice for couples trying to stay resilient and positive, facing hit after hit to how their wedding day is going to play out, of both the practical and solidarity kind. And on her own journey and how she has found a love that will not fade, not even through all the trials and tribulations 2020 wants to throw her way. So many thank yous Lexie. Take it away…
INTROUDCTION
We are Lexie & Aisha. Lexie is a Wedding Planner & Event Manager, Founder of Queer Weddings UK, and Head of Operations at UK Black Pride.
Aisha is a Research Scientist, Host & Founder of Moonlight Experiences, Volunteer Manager at UK Black Pride, Head of Talent at London Queer Fashion Show.
We met at UK Black Pride 3 years ago, I was working and Aisha came to hang out with friends. We bumped into each other a few weeks after but couldn’t go out as Aisha caught chicken pox! We decided to go out on a date 3 weeks later and the rest is history! My favourite thing about Aisha is that she’s the kindest soul you’ll ever meet. She’s very patient with me and really understands my needs. Aisha’s favourite thing about me is that I'm trustworthy, supportive and I'm always there if she needs me.
I proposed to Aisha first at home on my birthday last year. We had the wedding talk already so this is something that we both wanted eventually. I got the Champagne ready to toast my birthday at midnight and when the clock struck, I got down on one knee and proposed which she wasn’t expecting at all since we were celebrating for me! The funny thing is she also had a ring but didn’t propose until much later in March when I took her to Vietnam as a present for her birthday (which is a week after mine -talk about Scorpio power!). It was her 30th and I concocted something special for her but as it turns out, I got my ring. She proposed on the beach on a quiet morning and it was the most beautiful thing.
What has 2020 been like for you - both as a planner and bride to be - starting the year on a high with the proposal but then it going in a pretty wild direction!
As a wedding planner, I already knew exactly the kind of wedding I wanted. 2020 showed me that I wasn’t going to get that! I literally had everything planned, a date set, a venue, the type of catering I wanted, the wedding party, everything. As I stopped working and was put on furlough I thought it would give me time to concentrate on wedding plans (as naive as I was). But the longer we were in lockdown, the quicker I saw my plans dissipating into smoke. Suddenly our priorities changed and keep on changing to this day. From changing the date to changing the number of people, to changing catering needs, to changing our budget -it’s a constant circle that doesn’t end. We have had to revise our budget many times due to the uncertainty of our jobs but are lucky to both still be employed. That said things have been kept to a minimum as we don’t know what the future holds. We didn't want a huge wedding anyway but they are key people we have to invite. My family comes from France and it’s also important to keep in mind the rules for travel there. We are still planning, still trying to find what the best solution is but due to the government plans changing on a weekly basis we simply can;t come to a final decision. I can’t imagine how heartbreaking it must have been for all those couples who were planning to get married over the past few months to have your wedding plans crushed. Weddings cost a lot of money and are emotionally taxing. Going back and forth on the planning because of the current climate has had its challenges and I know at times we both wanted to give up but we keep in mind that we are doing this for us, for personnel and political reasons, and we want to show everyone how sacred our union is and celebrate it with our nearest and dearest.
What are you finding the hardest?
Going back and forth on the guestlist! Who will be invited to the wedding breakfast and who will only come to the evening party. You don’t want to alienate people but you have to keep your budget in mind at all times and invite only those that are important in our lives.!
What have been the wins?!
The venue that we have picked is perfect for the type of wedding we want. It’s the perfect size and we can have our ceremony, reception, wedding breakfast, and evening party at the same time.
What is your current view point?
It’s paramount that my family attends my wedding, and when I say family that includes my chosen family which is big. Aisha also has quite a few people but we had to make a hard decision on who to invite to the first part of the wedding and who to invite later on. At the end of the day it’s about who we interact with regularly and who genuinely champions us against who we want to invite ‘just because’. In the end, everyone will be invited, just at different stages of the wedding celebrations. This is our new norm and it’s also a life rule for us. We will have an intimate wedding, then party for everyone!
I have hired Assumpta Victu from By Ave Creations to help me bring my black & gold vision to life and not get involved too much on the day as I normally do! She’s someone I trust fully and also (luckily) a friend. I know that we are in good hands with her and I’m so glad we connected.
My photographer will be Luisa Starling, who is also a friend and the most talented person you want at your wedding. Her work is so beautiful and she’s an amazing person too. She has that gentleness about her that we both love. I have thought carefully about who I want at my wedding. I work with a lot of wedding suppliers but on this occasion they have been super extra carefully handpicked. I guess you will see it all in good time!
You are also a wedding planner as well as a bride to be - how has it been straddling both things?
I always had a sentiment of empathy towards my couples when something didn’t go their way as I always get to know them and they almost become my friends during wedding planning. I guess it’s a natural feeling, but this was amplified when it came to planning my own wedding. I don’t naturally stress over things as I’m super organised and if things don’t go my way I get upset at myself and no one will know (LOL). That’s just something I’ve learned to do over the years.
I had 7 weddings planned between April-July which had to be moved and it was devastating for some of the couples, especially those who had family coming from abroad. I really do feel for them and sad about the hard decisions that had to be made.
What is your advice for other couples getting engaged and planning their wedding right now?
My first advice now is to always find out the policy around Covid 19 for your venue/suppliers and get wedding insurance! Use your credit card to pay for anything as it’s protected and you can get your money back if something bad happens (up to £30,000). It’s worth doing a bit of research if you think something isn’t clear enough or ask your suppliers for advice.
Couples are a bit reluctant to get anything signed so I’ve found myself doing more consulting work lately. It’s all up in the air, provisional. But it’s been helpful for me to understand where everyone is and do my own learning. Things are slower and we have to adapt.
Venues are more flexible to give discounts nowadays so don’t hesitate to negotiate! Look at reducing your guest list as well, it will stretch your budget a bit further.
It’s worth saying that throughout all of this, you need to keep enjoying planning for your wedding and be gentle with each other. We have come to this weird period where everyone is learning to navigate things the best way they can and it’s the same for professionals. As much we do our research we are also trying to figure things out. Be patient with yourself, your partner, and your suppliers, this definitely won’t be a permanent situation.
